Courtroom Quotations

Courtroom Quotations

The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law

◦Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
◦Witness: "I only have one, you know."



◦Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
◦Witness: "By death."
◦Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"



◦Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
◦Witness: "July 15th."
◦Lawyer: "What year?"
◦Witness: "Every year."



◦Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
◦Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
◦Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
◦Witness: "Er...his face."



◦Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
◦Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
◦Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
◦Witness: "Forty-five years."




◦Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
◦Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
◦Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
◦Witness: "My name is Susan."



◦Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
◦Witness: "No."
◦Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
◦Witness: "No."
◦Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
◦Witness: "No."
◦Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
◦Witness: "No."
◦Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
◦Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
◦Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
◦Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."